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A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors the boat and settles in to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, thinking it rather obvious.

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.

“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t touched you,” says the game warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day, ma’am,” says the warden as he motors away.

Fun is fun, lads, but let’s take time out to memorize my Ten Commandments for the Normal Boy:

1. The Normal Boy will never stay more than five minutes in the bathroom alone.
2. The Normal Boy will never smell his or anyone else’s bodily functions.
3. The Normal Boy will never look in a toilet or other sanitary recepticle.
4. The Normal Boy will never kiss a man or other boy.
5. The Normal Boy will never use rouge or lipstick, or dress up in ladies’ clothing or foundation garments, even for “fun.”
6. The Normal Boy will never allow his fingers to enter his own or others’ bodily openings.
7. The Normal Boy will never touch sheep, cows, or other farm animals except on the head.
8. The Normal Boy will never bring unguents, jellies, salves, drawings, postcards, pictures, magazines, fresh meats, mirrors, lingerie, or toilet tissue into his bed.
9. The Normal Boy will never examine his or others’ underwear.
10. The Normal Boy will never drink an unpasteurized beverage.

Continued research has disclosed new sex-linked traits in adult humans.  Latest findings from our labs indicate the following dif ferences which will help you to tell men and women apart in the dark without resorting to the sort of behavior that Miss Manners finds objectionable.

Relationships:

First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship he refers to it as “that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semiregular basis”.  When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots”.  Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go.  Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, “I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy.  But I want you to know there’s always a chance for us”.  This is known as the “I Hate You/I Love You” drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once.  There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.

Making friends:

A woman will meet another woman with common interests, do a few things together, and say something like, “I hope we can be good friends.” A man will meet another man with common interests, do a few things together, and say nothing.  After years of interacting with this other man, sharing hopes and fears that he wouldn’t confide in his priest or psychiatrist, he’ll finally let down his guard in a fit of drunken sentimentality and say something like, “You know, for someone who’s such a jerk, I guess you’re OK.”

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There’ll be carloads of Louises
From Parisian stripteases
Importing foul diseases
Into Kent.
There’ll be modern French Wells Fargoes
Sending juggernauts with cargoes
Of frogslegs and escargots
And men’s scent.

There’ll be Dutchmen too, by jingo,
Who’ll refuse to speak the lingo,
Coming over for the bingo
And the dogs.
And through this umbilical,
Seeking knickers from St. Michael,
Girls from Rotterdam will cycle
In their clogs.

There’ll be Danes on every corner
Faces pink after a sauna,
trying hard to sell us porno
Graphic books.
There’ll be men like Julius Caesar
Getting in without a visa
Careless architects from Pisa
Bloody crooks.

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It is truly astounding what havoc students can wreak upon the chronicles of the human race. I have pasted together the following “history” of the world from genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level.

Read carefully, and you will learn a lot:

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummmies, and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation.

The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”

God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birthmark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his 12 sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horribel death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance.

The government of England was a limited mockery. From the womb of Henry VIII Protestionism was born. He found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee.

Queen Elisabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When Elisabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “hurrah.” Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Amarillo.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

WAGIT is looking for motivated WHITE individuals, who meet our strict requirements, to participate and aid other WAGITS in completing common goals.

Requirements:

• White & Ugly.  You should look like a truck has just ran you over, and dragged you for 2 or more miles on the asphalt.  (Being a Skin-HEAD is a good start and is a PLUS!).
• Hate Just about everyone, and anyone who is smarter than you. (Which IS everyone, except others like you that is).
• Must enjoy walking the streets at night in a white sheet carrying mis-spelled banners, and chanting illiterate slogans against peaceful ETHNIC groups, not bothering anyone or anything.  (Voice like Wally George or Morton Downey is a PLUS).
• Must be willing to carry MAKE-SHIFT crosses drenched in flamable liquids, and be able to set them a-flame, with out lighting yourselves too.  (We loose more people this way!).
• Applicant must be over the age of 15, and recently been kicked out, dropped out, or fell out of high school. (Applicants who have Graduated from high school still qualify as long as they accomplished it by cheating, paying off, or threatening their teachers).
• You must be willing to disembowel unarmed ethnic people, (Except ethnic WHITES), in the name of, “PRESERVING OUR GREAT COUNTRY”, and for “GOD”.  (Being a member of a church that advocates any of the above, IS A BIG PLUS++++).
• Applicant must also be able to hold T.V. conferences and host talk shows directed toward the BIGOT in general.  (Again, working for Morton Downey, or Wally George is a BIG PLUS!!).

If you can answer yes, (Da, ya) to any of the above, we want to hear from you!
Please call as soon as possible.
For the first 500 people that qualify, you will receive this handsome jacket with the WAGIT logo

(White Are Good, It True!)

Call toll free 1-(800) BUT-WIPE, That’s 1-(800) 288-9473
CALL NOW!!!!

Remember our slogan:
“I wanted to be a WAGIT, now I are one!”