World Free Stuff

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conference.
Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: “In ‘Strylya, we make the best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a bloody Fosters, mate.”

Augie, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: “In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the King of them all, gimme a Bud.”

Hans steps up next: “In Germany ve invented das beer, ferdamt. Give me ein Becks, ist der real King of beers, danke.”

Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward: “Barman, would ya give me a diet coke with ice and lemon? Thanks.”

The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over their faces.

Eventually Bruce asks: “Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?”

Paddy replies “Well, if you fuckin’ pansies aren’t drinkin’, then neither am I.

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

“Care to go upstairs and do it?” the husband asked.

“Shh!” said the bride “All the neighbors will know what we’re about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we’ll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, ‘Have you left the washing machine door open’ instead?”

So, the following night, the husband asks, “I don’t suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?”

“No, I definitely shut it,” replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, “I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?”

“No, thanks,” said the husband. “It was only a small load so I did it by hand.”