World Free Stuff

Bad: You can’t find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter “borrowed” it.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son’s room.
Worse: You’re in it.

Bad: Your husband’s a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.

Bad: Your son’s involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She’s a lawyer.

Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.

Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.

Bad: Your wife’s arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.

Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You’re arrested.
Worse: By your husband.

Good: The postman’s early.
Bad: He’s wearing camas and has an AK-47.

Good: The secretary said “yes.”
Bad: Your wife says “no.”

Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He’s gay.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: So did the postman.

Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.

Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
Bad: It’s performance art.

Good: Your boyfriend’s exercising.
Bad: So he’ll fit in your clothes.

Good: Your car conveniently “runs out of gas.”
Bad: For real.

Good: Your child’s “waiting for Mr. Right”.
Bad: Your son, that is.

Good: Your daughter’s on the Pill.
Bad: She’s thirteen.

Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.

Good: Your son’s doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.

Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It’s counterfeit.

Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter’s the star.

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.

Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She’s coming home.

Good: Your wife’s kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.

There are 3 nuns and a mother superior.
The mother superior tells the nuns before they can receive their saint name, they had one final test. She told them to go commit one sin so that they would not have urges to be bad…
After the 3 nuns return, the mother superior says, “Did you commit your sins?” They all shake their heads yes.
The first 2 nuns are crying, the 3rd is giggling.
The mother superior says to the first one, “What sin did you commit child?”
The first nun answers with tears in her eyes. “I was just rotten, I picked flowers from someone’s garden.”
The mother superior says, “Go drink the holy water and it will be all right.” The 3rd nun is dancing around in laughter.
The mother superior asks the 2nd one.
Her whole body is shaking and she is crying. “I stole candy from a baby.”
The mother superior says, “My child drink the holy water and you are forgiven.”
The 3rd nun falls on the floor hysterically laughing.
The mother superior is disgusted and asks, “What are you laughing at?”
The 3rd nun is barely able to answer through her tears of laughter, “I peed in the Holy water.”