World Free Stuff

How to impress a women
Compliment her, respect her, honour her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

How to impress a man
Show up naked, bring food do not stand in front of tv.

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?

The father, surprised, answers,

“Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”

“Onions?”

“Yes, see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers,

“Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man’s twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties,it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree ”

“A Christmas tree?”

“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only”