World Free Stuff

A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. “Dear Lord,” she prays, “if I don’t get some cash, I’m gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery.”

Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn’t win. She prays even harder, saying, “God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.

“Sweetheart, work with me on this,” he says. “Buy a ticket.”

A woman came home from her job early, just to find her husband in bed with a beautiful young girl. She immedietly yell at him: “How could you, you unsensitive pig!?!? Im the mother of your children and you cheat on me in our house in our bed! I want a divorce NOW!”

The man: Wait, wait, I can explain this.
The woman: ok, but this is the last thing I want to hear from you.

The man starts explaining: “Well, on the way home from work I picked up a hitchhiker. She seemed so defenseless that I took her with me. I could see she was very thin and all of her clothes was torn. She was very dirty and she mentioned she hadnt eaten for three days.

Out of pity, I took her home and warmed the food I made for you yesterday, which you didnt eat cause you were afraid of gaining weight. The poor girl ate it all.

Since she was so dirty, I asked her if she wanted to take a bath. She certainly would, and after she was done bathing, I gave her a pair of pants you never wore cause they were too tight.

I gave her the blouse I gave you on your birthday which you dont wear cause I have a bad taste in clothing.

I even gave her the sweater my sister gave you on your birthday which you never wear because you dont like my sister.

Furthermore, I gave her the boots you resently bought in an expensive shop, simply because you wont wear them because of a co-worker has the same pair.

The man continues:
The girl was so very grateful and I followed her to the door. At the door she turned around with tears in her eyes and asked me if I had anything left that my wife didnt use….