World Free Stuff

Two boys had become Doctors. They were on the street and they see a man walking weird like he had his leg hurt. So one of the boys says to the other:
- “I bet that man has sífilis”.
And the other says:
- “I bet that it is his back”.
So to end the arguing they decide to go ask the man:
- “Look mister, we are doctors at very few time, and we we arguing what would be your desease. My partner says its sífilis, and i say its your back. Which one is right?”
And the man answers:
- Well, we are the 3 wrong. I tough it was a fart but i shit myself

A guy walks into a doctor’s office and stutters, “Da-da-doc, I’ve ba-ba-been sta-sta-stuttering for ye-ye-years, and I ca-ca-can’t stand it anymo-mo-more! Can you he-he-help me?”
The doctor answers “Well, I’ll have to give you a thorough examination first, but in some cases there is a cure.” So the doctor puts the guy through a battery of tests, and says, “I think I know what’s causing your stuttering.”
The guy excitedly asks, “Well, wa-wa-what is it, da- da-doctor?”
“It’s your penis. I know that sounds crazy, but you have an unusually large penis – it’s almost two feet long. It seems the weight is putting a strain on your vocal cords which most men never have to deal with.”
The guy asks, “Wa-wa-what can we da-da-do?”
“Well, we could remove it and transplant a shorter one.”
“Do it!” the guy replies. So they go through the operation, and three weeks later the guy comes in for a follow up appointment.
He says, “Doc, you solved my stuttering problem. I don’t know how to thank you. But I’ve only had sex once in three weeks – my wife just doesn’t like it anymore with my new, shorter penis. I’ve thought about it, and I decided I can put up with the stuttering easier than going without the sex – I want you to put my long one back on.”
The doctor says, “No-no-nope. A da-da-deal’s a da-da- deal!”

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize – and decode – these KEY “SIGNS.” Figuring out these moronic little indicators can save you a lot of time and effort.

1. Woman won’t unlock car door for man – Doesn’t engage in oral sex

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman – No foreplay

3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant – Prefers virgins

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way – Is a virgin

5. Can’t hail a cab – Impotent

6. Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif – Compulsive Don Quixote

7. Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant – Compulsive Don Juan

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar – Compulsive Don Ho

9. Wants to go to a French restaurant – Will swallow

10. Wants to go to a deli – Won’t swallow

11. Takes too long deciding what to order – Has trouble reaching orgasm

12. Orders salad dressing on the side – Will give you a hand job, but will not go “all the way”

13. Gives explicit orders to waiter – Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed

14. Asks for extra rolls – Will say she is using birth control when she’s not, will get pregnant and sue

15. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as “The lady will have…” – Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn’t

16. Asks for “The Usual” – Insists on missionary position only

17. Asks what the specials are – Will want you to use handcuffs

18. Fills up on bread and crackers – Premature ejaculation

19. Doesn’t finish everything on plate – Has already come

20. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered – Will make you sleep on the wet spot

21. Changes mind after ordering – Will never call you

22. Changes tables – Nymphomaniac

23. Drinks Decaffeinated. – Fakes Orgasm (Female)

24. Orders in French – Fakes Orgasm (Male)

25. Sends food back – Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money

26. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts – Needs you to talk dirty during sex

27. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers – Wants a handjob

28. Orders a dessert involving nuts – Castrating b**ch

29. Wants to split dessert – Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters

30. Credit card is refused – Low sperm count

31. Under tips waiter – Small pen*s

32. Under tips parking valet – Small pen*s

33. Under tips cabby – Small pen*s

34. Uses toothpick – Is trying to tell you size isn’t everything

35. Removable cassette player in car – Pulls out repeatedly during sex

36. Cellular phone in car – Penile implant