World Free Stuff

A Swiss man was on holiday in Manchester and was looking for directions, as he stood outside The Arndale. He stops two Nike-clad-chavs who were passing by.

“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks.
The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him.

“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries.
The two continue to stare.

“Parlare Italiano?”
No response from the two lads.

“Hablan ustedes Espanol?”
Still nothing from the Mancunian Nike-clad-chavs.

The Swiss guy walks off, extremely disgusted and dejected that he was not understood. One of the lads turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!”

“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good!”

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long – but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.”

The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”