World Free Stuff

Patient: Docter, Docter! I fell like a pair of curtains!
Docter: Well…pull yourself together then!

Patient: Docter, Docter! People keep ignoring me!
Docter: NEXT!!!

Patient:Docter, Docter! I feel like a index!
Docter:Ill have a WORD with you later!

Patient: Docter, Docter! I fell like a pair of curtains!
Docter: Well…pull yourself together then!

Patient: Docter, Docter! People keep ignoring me!
Docter: NEXT!!!

Patient:Docter, Docter! I feel like a index!
Docter:Ill have a WORD with you later!

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!
Doctor: Stay out of them places!

Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
Guy: And the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s disease.
Guy: Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!

Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.
Patient: OH NO! That’s awful! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???
Doctor: You also have Alzheimer’s. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn’t I, you stupid SOB!!!!!

Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can’t remember anything!
Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?
Patient: What problem?

Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?
Patient: What pills?

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?
Doctor: No, throw them away like everybody else.

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill

Patient: My wife beats me, doctor
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
Patient: Every time we play Scrabble!

Patient: My tongue tingles when I touch it to a cracked walnut wrapped in used toaster oven aluminum foil, what’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You have far too much free time.

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?
Nurse: No change yet.

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him now.

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank.

Prisoner: Look here, doc! You’ve already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

Doctor: You’re in good health. You’ll live to be 80.
Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you.

Patient: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!
Doctor: Never mind, you’ll pass eventually.
Patient: But I’m the examiner!

Patient: Doc, will I be able to read with these glasses?
Doctor: You sure will.
Patient: That’s great! I never could read before.

Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor: Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

Doctor: You need glasses.
Patient: But I’m wearing glasses, Doc.
Doctor: Then I need glasses.

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