When Girls Don't Put Out
by Alucard on Nov.26, 2008, under Free Jokes
(6 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
Loading ...This was written by a guy… it’s pretty damn smart.
Girls — Please have a sense of humor!
This is really funny!!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.lol
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all
dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”
I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.
You may also like these :D
30 Comments for this entry
Leave a Reply
-
Howdy. Welcome to World Free Stuff!
Thanks for dropping by! Feel free to join the discussion by leaving comments, and stay updated by subscribing to the RSS feed. See ya around!
March 25th, 2009 on 6:36 am
Love it, want more of it…
March 26th, 2009 on 9:38 am
Awwwwwwwwwwwww yeah, bitches.
March 26th, 2009 on 1:00 pm
Haha thats a good one!
I dont like the end though. I would not call my girlfriend “that bitch”.
March 26th, 2009 on 1:04 pm
BAHAHAHAHA!!
I’m a girl- I think this little story is funny as shit.
PS hold me? can’t you do that for a minute after some crazy sex? Then its even better
March 26th, 2009 on 8:19 pm
feel free to browse Faith
March 26th, 2009 on 8:19 pm
agreed max
March 27th, 2009 on 2:36 am
Hahahahah.
March 27th, 2009 on 4:45 am
Love it. My girl does the same thing with our manstick. Now I know what to say when she wants a purse or some sh*t.
March 27th, 2009 on 5:03 am
HAHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHHA
March 27th, 2009 on 8:36 am
VERY funny story. Women frequently get turned down for sex by their partners too, though. ):
Oh, and women may think with their hearts, but men think with their DICKS! Too bad no one’s thinking with their heads.
March 27th, 2009 on 5:49 pm
this guy is the man! my hero
March 27th, 2009 on 11:43 pm
It’s spelled “complement.”
Reading this shit makes me so happy to be a gay man,
March 28th, 2009 on 5:07 am
I never realised gay men were such great spellers.Oh by the way,why do’nt you go suck your self.
March 28th, 2009 on 6:19 am
That comment seemed unnecessarily hostile.
March 28th, 2009 on 8:38 am
a woman wouldnt make the connection they’re not smart enough
March 29th, 2009 on 8:01 am
True, true. HAHA!
March 30th, 2009 on 1:29 am
victory.
March 30th, 2009 on 1:45 pm
Women: 0
Men: 1
Whooo we finally win in something!
March 30th, 2009 on 11:56 pm
Tim’s response sounds sort of like a case of reaction formation. Unnecessarily hostile indeed towards some gay he doesn’t even know, most likely because he’s insecure with his own sexuality and afraid to death of becoming what he irrationally fears.
What a pitiful attempt at expressing masculinity over the internet, you e-thug you. I hope you get your shit ruined by some fag one day, it’s obvious you’ve been left behind at the evolutionary bell-curve anyway.
March 31st, 2009 on 2:37 am
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
March 31st, 2009 on 2:48 am
@Tim
Hey dumbass, yourself is one word, put spaces after commas, and why “do’nt” you put the apostrophe ( ‘ ) in the right place before you go complaining about another persons grammar you gay bashing douche bag.
You are an idiot that has obviously never been with a woman so do us all a favor and STFU…..
March 31st, 2009 on 8:55 am
This is the stupidest thing I have ever read, made by someone who thinks that comebacks and revenge are the only things to be had in life and by someone who apparently does not know how to treat a lady… OR SPELL FOR THAT MATTER!
March 31st, 2009 on 9:24 am
This.
Is.
Amazing.
March 31st, 2009 on 11:10 am
omg, I am female and this is awesome. I would love to be friends with that guy.
REVENGE!
and if you try to bash me for anything, remember this: haveing an argument over the internet is like competing in the speial olympics – even if you win, you’re still a retard.
March 31st, 2009 on 8:08 pm
good one Nikki.
come on guys it’s just a joke anyway!
April 1st, 2009 on 5:41 am
Amzing story. def. gonna use that one with my gf next time she pulls that on me. And nice one Nikki. i heard that b4 from the 12 fuck you’s of youtube.
April 1st, 2009 on 10:21 pm
So much awesomeness packed into one little article.
April 3rd, 2009 on 6:22 am
Hey guess what? THIS HAS BEEN ON THE INTERNET FOR OVER TWO FUCKIN’ YEARS. Stop thumbing it you morons.
May 19th, 2009 on 8:31 pm
lol wow that is funny I know a lot of girls like that…
hey want pickled flavored cake????!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4z3KMBZxUI
Sorry the cake is a lie
June 2nd, 2009 on 10:35 am
However vengeful or mean in nature the guy’s actions were, you must admit that he was immensely clever. Women do seem to care more often about material objects and men physical ones. Women like expensive rocks, men like boobs. Women like shoes, men like boobs. His connection between the two with extreme parallel makes me applaud his hilarious animosity, that is, if he actually said this to his girlfriend and didn’t create the whole tale.