World Free Stuff

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?” After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. “Yes. Yes, I will.”

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say yes or did she say no?” He couldnt remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. No even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didnt remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?”

He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, Yes, yes I will and I meant it with all my heart.” Then she continued, “And I am so glad that you called, because I couldnt remember who had asked me.

Year 2 class in Bradford comes in from playtime. Teacher asks Sarah: “What did you do at playtime?”

Sarah says, “I played in the sand box.”

The teacher says, “That’s good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write ’sand’ correctly, I’ll give you a chocolate Hobnob.”

She does and gets a chocolate Hobnob.

The teacher asks Michael what he did at playtime.

Michael says, “I played with Sarah in the sand box.”

The teacher says, “Good. If you write ‘box’ correctly on the blackboard, I’ll give you a chocolate Hobnob.”

Michael does, and gets a chocolate Hobnob. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at playtime.

He says, “I tried to play with Sarah and Michael, but they threw rocks at me.”

The teacher says, “Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go to the blackboard and write ‘blatant racial discrimination’ I’ll give you a chocolate Hobnob.”

A German guy approaches a prostitute and says ” I vish to buy sex vit you”
“OK” says the girl, “I’ll charge 100 quid an hour”
“Is goot” says the German, “but I must varn you, I am a little kinky”
“No problem” she replies cautiously, “I can do a little kinky”

So off they go to the girl’s flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

“I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs.”

The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees.

“Now you vill get on your hans and knees.”

She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

“You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you.”

She finds all this very odd, but figures it’s harmless, and after all the guy is paying.

The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.

Finally she gasps. “That was totally amazing……. what do you call that?”

“Ah”, says the German, “Four-sprung duck technique”

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began
to yell and scream,

“Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” demanded his parents.

We know what a Porsche costs..”

“Well,” said the! boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

So the parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like
that for fifteen dollars,” they asked.

“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. I don’t know her name,
they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I
wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh my Goodness,” moaned the mother, “She must be a child abuser. Who
knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see
what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady
lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He
introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a
Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

“Well,” she said, “This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I
thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has
run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to
come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new
Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”