World Free Stuff

A salesman rang the doorbell and little Johnny answered. The salesman asked if his father was at home.
Johnny said, “Yes.”
The salesman said, “Well, can I see him please?”
Johnny snickered and said, “No, he is in the shower.”
Then the salesman asked if his mother was at home.
Johnny said, “Yes.”
The salesman said, “Well can I see her?”
Johnny snickered again and said, “No, she’s in the shower too.”
The salesman then asked, “Do you think they will be out soon?”
Johnny laughed this time and said “No.”
The salesman asked, “Why?”
“Well”, Johnny said, “when my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him some Super Glue.”

The teacher asked, “Johnny what is your problem?”

Johnny answered, “I am too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in the third grade and I am smarter than she is! I think I should be in third grade too.”

MrsBrooks had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal’s office.

While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told MrsBrooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. She agreed Johnny was brought in and the conditions explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Johnny: “9.”

Principal: “What is 6 x 6 ?”
Johnny: “36.”

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grade should know. The principal looks at MrsBrooks and tells her, “I think Johnny can go to the third grade.”

MrsBrooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him, some questions?”

The principal and Johnny both agree.

MrsBrooks: “What does a cow have four of that I have only 2 of?
Johnny, after a moment “Legs.”

MrsBrooks: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Johnny: “Pockets.”

MrsBrooks: “What starts with C and ends with T, is hairy, oval and delicious and contains a whitish liquid?”
Johnny: “Coconut.”

MrsBrooks: “What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?”
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny takes charge…..
Johnny: “Bubblegum.”

MrsBrooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on 3 legs?”
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…..
Johnny: “Shake hands.”

MrsBrooks: “Now I will ask some ‘Who am I’ questions, okay?”
MrsBrooks: “You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.”
Johnny: “Tent.”

MrsBrooks: “A finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.”
The principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Johnny: “Wedding Ring.”

MrsBrooks: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver?”
Johnny; “Arrow.”

MrsBrooks: “What word starts with F and ends in K and means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Johnny: “Fire truck.”

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send Johnny to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”