World Free Stuff

Chinese New Year is coming soon and we wish all our Chinese Reader a Happy and Prosperous Chinese New Year, thank you for staying with us

Please enjoy this video clip

I am going for vacation till the end of the month, so there will be no new post for a few days, will be back to post at 2nd or 3rd February

Happy Chinese New Year

Best Regards,

Alucard

1. Act like a movie star.
2. Ask someone for their autograph, pretending that you think they’re Tom Cruise or Madonna (This best when the person looks nothing like the movie star in question)
3. Ask the guy next to you to hold your dentures (senior citizens only)
4. Ask the person next to you, “Are you in the Witness Protection program too?”
5. Attempt to promote Hinduism among passengers
6. Bring a “Word-a-Day” calendar on board with you. Read every single word aloud and attempt to use it in a sentence. Use them all incorrectly. “My, you have a very irate home,’ she said governessly.”
7. Bring a cellular phone. Call God. Say, “The reception is much clearer up here….”
8. Bring a duffel bag packed with pipe cleaners, styrofoam balls, construction paper, etc. Organize a “Kraft Korner”. Make a craft likeness of the person sitting next to you. Give yourself an “F”.
9. Bring a microphone and act like Frank Sinatra
10. Bring your computer keyboard without a monitor. Place it on your lap. Stare into the palm of your hand. Wait. Push the return key a few times. Yell out “Yes! Alright! I told them I didn’t need a laptop!” Plug the headphones into your nostril and play Doom.
11. Call the stewardess “nurse”.
12. Continually offer to share your “Beano”.
13. Decorate. Bring a scatter rug and tiny draperies. Hang a “Home Sweet Home” plaque on the back of the seat in front of you. Invite your fellow passengers in for tea.
14. Describe your sex life in great detail to the five-year-old next to you
15. Disco dance in the aisle
16. Don’t use deoderant, then “accidently” stick your armpit in someone’s face
17. During the inflight movie, ask to share headphones with someone
18. During the meal, loudly explain that on time you ate shark fin soup and proceeded to puke all over the airplane, spewing chunks of shark on the other passengers
19. Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn’t come out, ’cause they aren’t really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die
20. Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it
21. Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar
22. Get some rub-on tattoos and a leather jacket, pretend that you belong to a biker gang
23. Give someone a coin, saying “Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don’t”
24. Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed.
25. Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling “We’re out of toilet paper! Stewardess!”
26. Go into the cockpit, ask the pilot in an obnoxious voice “Why do the call it the COCKpit?” then snort as if it’s the funniest thing in the world
27. Go up to someone and ask loudly if they wouldn’t mind applying Preporation H to your hemrrhoids.
28. Hum the Monty Python theme song.
29. If someone has a bad toupee, whack it off.
30. Jump up and scream “AAAHHH!! I left the stove on!!”
31. Lead a bible study session in the back of the plane.
32. Lead a revolt against the first class passengers.
33. Lean back in your seat, fold your arms behind your head and exclaim, “Thank God for auto-pilot, eh?”
34. Mess up your hair, untuck your shirt, basically look crude, and mingle with a first class guy as if you were long-lost friends
35. Moon passing Delta planes.
36. No matter what the meal choices are, demand rice-a-roni.
37. Pick your nose and pat the person next to you.
38. Pinch the stewardess’ butt as she passes.
39. Pretend you’re flying the plane.
40. Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone on the head.
41. Remark that perhaps you shouldn’t have put superglue in your undies that morning.
42. Ride carry-on luggage down the aisle, yelling “Yeee-ha!”
43. Say, “Did you know every time a plane crashes, an angel gets its wings?” Then sigh and stare dreamily into the clouds.
44. Scratch your butt, then sniff your finger.
45. Scream and dive under your seat for no apparent reason.
46. Show off your Batman underwear.
47. Sing along with the songs on your Walkman.
48. Snap Polaroids of him or her. Pull out an empty photo album and arrange the pictures inside it. Tuck the album under your jacket and say, “You know, in some cultures they believe that when you take a person’s photograph…you own their soul…,” while smiling maniacally.
49. Sneeze, using somebody’s sleeve instead of your hand to cover it
50. Snort when you laugh
51. Speak in Spelling Bee-eese: “Hello. H-e-l-l-o. Hello. Nice weather we’re having isn’t it? Weather. W-e-a-t-h-e-r. Weather.”
52. Spill soda “Accidentally” on the person next to you.
53. Sport a kamikaze helmet and goggles. Speak in a low voice into a hand held tape recorder: “Today’s date, December 7th, 1941. I was not able to command my own personal plane but success shall still be ours….”
54. Start a hot dog stand.
55. Start singing the Shari Lewis theme, “This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because, this is the song that never ends….” Suddenly realize that you can never stop singing. Become very panicky. Scrawl “Help me” on a piece of paper and hand it to the person sitting next to you. Claw at your throat and thrash around in the seat. Never stop singing.
56. Steal a businessman’s laptop, play solitaire on it.
57. Suddenly remember that you left your iron on. Ask if the pilot would mind going back so you can check.
58. Switch accents and see if anyone notices.
59. Tap at the windows, saying “Looks pretty tough” then ask somone if they have a bat you could use to test.
60. Tell corny jokes and laugh like it’s absolutely hilarious, then expect others to do the same 46. Wear a hairpiece and switch it often, seeing if anyone notices
61. Tell the person next to you your life story, from DNA to that afternoon
62. Tell your fellow passenger that you just heard the bathrooms were out-of-order. Then pause and say, “Did you know that peanuts are a natural diuretic?” Smile.
63. Try to lead plane in song “Oh I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weiner”
64. When there’s any nudity, say “Hey! He/she must be real cold!”
65. When they ask something, pretend that you don’t know and you have to go ask someone else. Repeat wtih every question. (ie., “How are you today?” “How can I help you,” “what would you like to order”)
66. When two people kiss in the film, belch real loud.
67. Whip out your kazoo and give first class a special entertainment show.
68. With a desperate look, ask the stewardess where the bathroom is, then look relieved and say “Nevermind. Do you have any towels?”
69. With a fellow passenger, Re-enact the disco scene in “Airplane!”
70. With the person next to you, discuss cannabilism among airline crash passengers on deserted islands.
71. Yell out, “John Lithgow is on the wing!”

1. Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled “Gentlemen Only…
Ladies Forbidden” … and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

2. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma
Flintstone.

3. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

4. Men can read smaller print better than women can; women can hear better.

5. Coca-Cola was originally green.

6. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

7. The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

8. The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% ( now get this…)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

9. The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

10. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

11. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

12. The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

13. The youngest pope was 11 years old.

14. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

15. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

16. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades – King David
Hearts – Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds – Julius Caesar

17. A cute mathematical trick: 111111111 x 111111111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

18. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the
person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds
received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

19. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and
Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t
added until 5 years later.

20. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
Their birthplace

21. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
Obsession

22. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find
the letter “A”?
One thousand

23. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all
have in common?
All invented by women.

24. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?
Honey

25. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
Father’s Day

26. In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you
pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence
the phrase “goodnight, sleep tight.”

27. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the
wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could
drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period
was called the honey month… which we know today as the honeymoon.

28. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts… So in old England, when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them “Mind your pints and quarts,
and settle down. It’s where we get the phrase “mind your P’s and Q’s.”

29. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or
handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to
get some service. “Wet your whistle” is the phrase inspired by this practice.

30. At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

1. Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

2. At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

3. Doctor’s office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

4. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner. Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL
YOURSELF.

5. In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

6. On the grounds of a Nairobi private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

7. In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

8. The best! In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

9. Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

10. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS,
ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

11. Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM,
IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

12. Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

13. A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

14. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

15. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

16. The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

17. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

18. In a Japanese cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.