World Free Stuff

Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.” – a men’s room in Champaign, IL

“Do I know how fast I was going officer? Yeah, I do. I was doing a hundred and fifteen fuckin miles an hour because I have a huge red pepper of rage lodged into my sphincter muscle.” – Dennis Miller

“Hard work has a future. Laziness pays off now.” – Bumper Sticker

“If a man builds 1000 bridges and sucks 1 dick, no one calls him a bridge builder – they call him a cocksucker.” – Play It to the Bone

“If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.” – David Daye

“Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.” – Unknown

“I need to kill NH and Grey off quick so I don’t have to animate so much in M:WTF2″ – Ronald McDonald

“Valentine’s day doesn’t mean anything to me.” – The perfect girlfriend

“This puts the exchange rate at around 15,000 to 25,000 Ultima Online gold units to the U.S. dollar, making a unit of Ultima gold nearly equal in value to the Vietnamese dong.” -Dell News (page 2)

“What do you mean I can’t sell castle deeds I create on Ebay?” – GM Darwin circa 1999

“The more I deal with women, the more I realize that masturbation is king.” – Nighthawk

“If you get to be thirty-five and your job still involves wearing a name tag, you’ve probably made a serious vocational error.” – Dennis Miller

“Canada is a place for prostitutes and their chlamydia-infected clients and it’s a damn good thing they have nationalized health care.” – Bastard test

“Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” – Woody Allen

“Women do not snore, burp, sweat or fart. Therefore, they must bitch or they will blow up.” – anon

“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” – George Carlin

“Me fail English? That’s unpossible!” – Ralph Wiggum (The Simpsons)

“Some people should die… that’s just unconscious knowledge.” – Jane’s Addiction – Pig’s In Zen

“They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn’t your biggest problem.” – George Carlin

“I’m going to get a racing stripe tatoo’d on my cock.” – Ainvar (at the JoV Gathering)

“Don’t say anything bad about someone until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. That way, when you say something bad, you’re a mile away, and you’ve got his shoes.” – Jack Handey – Deep Thoughts (SNL)

“<@Logan> I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident.
<@Logan> I was thinking “What the hell is this guy doing?”" – Some random IRC guy

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright

“I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don’t know I’m using blanks.” – Jack Handey – Deep Thoughts (SNL)

“Sure, its class based gayness, but at least I get to kill people.” – Joe – Speaking about DAoC

“<NyseriA> Things I’ve learned about war from videogames: If you find yourself mortally wounded by an enemy sniper be sure to let him know that he is a faggot.” – IRC Quote

“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.” – George Bernard Shaw

“When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably consider dating outside the family.” – Unknown

“They say a smile is a gift that is free to the giver and precious to the recipient. But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.” – Unknown

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black.” – Chris Rock

[While discussing his career mistakes] “All of the younger actors keep coming up to me and asking me where all of the land mines are because they know I’ve stepped on them all.” – Burt Reynolds

“‘Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln

[speaking of someone who's Internet-brave] “If he spoke to me like that irl, I’d be seeing if I could fit him inside a Wendy’s biggie-size cup.” – IRC Quote

“Only two things are infinite.. the universe, and human stupidity. And I”m not sure about the former.” – Albert Einstein

“That’s enough of that shit.” – Clint Eastwood (directing) after a take, instead of “Cut!”

“Everyone has two cents, but it’s only worth taking from very few people. Most people just swallowed a couple pennies and expect you not to mind when they come out covered in shit.” – Azaroth in his Gamemethod.com interview

“I plan to live forever. So far so good.” – Steven Wright

“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” – Oscar Wilde

“Men are like cement… after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.”
“Women are like a carpet… lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever.” – Both Unknown

“The U.S. Government today changed its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance. Condoms stand up to inflation, halt production, destroy the next generation, protect pricks, and give a sense of security while actually screwing you!” – Unknown

“I am trying to see things from your perspective but I just can’t get my head that far up my ass.” – Mike Adams

“The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence has its limits.” – Unknown

“Stephen Hawking wasn’t even smart enough to dodge my pee.” – Joe (slightly drunk)

“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.” – Douglas Adams

“Beer… the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson

“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.” – Arthur McAuliff

“You’re about as useful as a poopie-flavored lollipop.” – Rip Torn (in Dodgeball)

“Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get your ass thrown in jail if you really tried them.” – Unknown

“Hurricanes are like women – when they come, they’re wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car.” – Unknown

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” – Albert Einstein

“I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can buy.” – Steve Martin

“Having sex with two girls at once is so hot, even gay men fantasize about it.” – Phil from ConsumptionJunction.com

“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

“Intelligence is alcohol soluble.” – Unknown

You may also like these :D

• Nerd Quotes
• Deal Or No Deal
• Orange Arts
• Did You Know?
• Foreign Signs