World Free Stuff

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually on the seventh day Michael the Arch Angel found him, resting. He inquired of God, “Where have you been?”

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds.

“Look Michael, look what I’ve made.” said God.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. “For example, North America will be a place of great of opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.”

God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a small land mass and said, “What’s that one?”

“Ah,” said God. “That’s New Zealand, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills. The people from New Zealand are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they’re going to be found traveling the world. They’ll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!”

God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the wankers I’m putting next to them. I shall call them ‘Australians’”.

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