World Free Stuff

Since the world situation is making us all think about how governments, religions and business effect us, this simplified explanation might help us under stand better.
THE “TWO-COW EXPLANATION” OF WHAT MAKES…

A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you don’t know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

A farmer was sitting in a bar getting drunk.

A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here, on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”

The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So what happened that’s so horrible?”, the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.

“Well,” the farmer said, “Today, I was sitting by my cow, milking her.

Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.”

“Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.”

“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on her left.

Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”

The man laughed, “Again?”

The farmer nodded, and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.

I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.

Well I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So, what did you do?”

“Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.

At that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in…Some things you just can’t explain.”

A female TV reporter arranged for an interview
with a farmer living just outside Cornerbrook,
Newfoundland, to find the main cause of the Mad
Cow Disease.

The Lady: Good evening, sir. I am here to collect
information on the possible source of Mad Cow
Disease. Can you offer any reason for this
disease?

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said:
Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only
once a year?

The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed):
Well, sir, that’s a new piece of information, but
what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad
Cow disease?

The Farmer: And, madam, do you know that we
milk a cow twice a day?

The reporter: Sir, this is really valuable information,
but what about getting to the point?

The Farmer: I am getting to the point, madam.
Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day
and only screwing you once a year, wouldn’t you get mad?

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 5-year-old son standing pie-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought, “Great… he’s 5 and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask, and I’ll answer.”

When everything was over, Dad strolled over to his son and said, “Well Willie, do you have any questions?”

“Just one,” gasped the pie-eyed lad. “How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?”