World Free Stuff

The sky was dark the moon was high
All one just her and I
Her hair so soft her eyes so blue
I knew just what she wanted to do
Her skin so soft her legs so fine
I ran my fingers down her spine
I didn’t know how but I tried my best
I placed my hands upon her breast
I remember my fear my fast beating heart
But slowly she spread her legs apart
When I did it I felt no shame
All of a sudden the white stuff came
But its finished its all over now
It’s the 1st time ever I milked a cow!!!

A farmer was sitting in a bar getting drunk.

A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here, on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”

The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So what happened that’s so horrible?”, the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.

“Well,” the farmer said, “Today, I was sitting by my cow, milking her.

Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.”

“Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.”

“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on her left.

Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”

The man laughed, “Again?”

The farmer nodded, and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.

I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.

Well I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So, what did you do?”

“Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.

At that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in…Some things you just can’t explain.”

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”

“I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”

When the boy arrived home he told his mother.

The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!”