World Free Stuff

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife.”

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said “Wait just a minute!”

She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.”

“Yes,” the wife said, “I promised. I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?”

“I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
“Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and those assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes.”

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began
to yell and scream,

“Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” demanded his parents.

We know what a Porsche costs..”

“Well,” said the! boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

So the parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like
that for fifteen dollars,” they asked.

“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. I don’t know her name,
they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I
wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh my Goodness,” moaned the mother, “She must be a child abuser. Who
knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see
what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady
lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He
introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a
Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

“Well,” she said, “This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I
thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has
run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to
come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new
Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”

The Madam opened the brothel door to see a rather slick looking, well dressed, just past middle age gentleman. “May I help you?” the madam asked.

“I want to see Natalie,” the man replied.

“Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else…”

“No, I must see Natalie.”

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charges $1,000 per visit.

Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left.

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts…it was still $1,000 a visit.

Again the man took out the money, the two went up to the room, and an hour later, he left. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the man:

“No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?”

The man replied, “I’m from Philadelphia.”

“Really?” replied Natalie. “I have family living there.”

“Yes, I know,” said the man. “Your father died, and I’m your sister’s attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance.”

Some things in life are inevitable:

Taxes

Death,

Being screwed by an attorney.*

Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.
Thanks,
Billy