World Free Stuff

Nun is playing football with priest. She’s goalkeeping and he shoots :
- FUCK! what a miss…
Nun says:
- stop swearing father, or god will punish you with the lightning.
Priest shoots again :
- FUCK! what a miss…
Nun :
- father… i told you something.
Priest shoots for the 3rd time :
- FUCK! what a miss…
Lightning strikes from heaven, nun lies dead and voice comes from heaven :
- FUCK! what a miss…

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he
entered it in the race again, and it won again. The
local newspaper read:

PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity
that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in
another race.

The next day, the local newspaper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the
pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to
give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper,
hearing of the news, posted the following headline the
next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would
have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a
farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the
nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains
where it could run wild. The next day the headlines
read:

NUN ANNOUNCES…HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day…

There are 3 nuns and a mother superior.
The mother superior tells the nuns before they can receive their saint name, they had one final test. She told them to go commit one sin so that they would not have urges to be bad…
After the 3 nuns return, the mother superior says, “Did you commit your sins?” They all shake their heads yes.
The first 2 nuns are crying, the 3rd is giggling.
The mother superior says to the first one, “What sin did you commit child?”
The first nun answers with tears in her eyes. “I was just rotten, I picked flowers from someone’s garden.”
The mother superior says, “Go drink the holy water and it will be all right.” The 3rd nun is dancing around in laughter.
The mother superior asks the 2nd one.
Her whole body is shaking and she is crying. “I stole candy from a baby.”
The mother superior says, “My child drink the holy water and you are forgiven.”
The 3rd nun falls on the floor hysterically laughing.
The mother superior is disgusted and asks, “What are you laughing at?”
The 3rd nun is barely able to answer through her tears of laughter, “I peed in the Holy water.”

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, “When you die and go to Heaven…which part of your body goes first?”

Susie raised her hand and said, “I think it’s your hands.”

“Why do you think it’s your hands, Suzy?

Suzy replied, “Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.”

“What a wonderful answer!” the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “Sister, I think it’s your feet.”

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. “Now, little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?”

Little Johnny said, “Well, I walked into Mummy and Daddy’s bedroom the other night Mummy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, “Oh God, I’m coming!”

“If Dad hadn’t pinned her down, we’d have lost her.”

The Nun fainted

A Priest, a Nun, and a Camel are crossing the desert.
The camel falls dead.

Before I die the father says, “I would like to see a woman naked. So the nun takes off all her clothes.

She then says, “before I die i would like to see a man naked. So the father takes off his clothes. She looks at his penis and says, “My God!! What is that for?”

He says “You stick it in a hole and it brings forth life.”

The nun replies, “Then how about you stick it up that camels ass and let’s get the hell out of here!”

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. “There is a blind man to see you,” she says. “Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in.”

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: “That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?