World Free Stuff

The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing computer games at your desk, you…

a. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.
b. Inform him that you’re planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.
c. Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you’ve finished the level.

There’s a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?

a. Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who’s been working with you.
b. Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.
c. Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, "Won’t have to work under someone who should have retired before he became a laughing stock."

When your boss throws a party and invites everyone in the office except you, what do you do?

a. Stay home and watch ‘I Love Lucy’ reruns.
b. Show up at the party anyway, with a really expensive bottle of wine and a briefcase full of small, unmarked bills.
c. Go over to your bosses house after everyone has left and throw rocks at the windows, shouting obscenities.

Your boss criticizes your work unjustly; what do you do?

a. Listen politely, and then apologize.
b. Blame someone else.
c. Climb on top of your desk, and hold up a piece of paper on which you’ve written the word "union."

When the CEO parks his car in your spot, you…

a. Wash and wax it, then leave your business card under the wind-shield wiper.
b. Key it, then tell the CEO’s secretary you saw your boss near it, loitering suspiciously.
c. Key it, then proudly tell the CEO’s secretary that you did it.

Your boss asks you to play Kooky the Clown for his kid’s fifth birthday party, what do you do?

a. Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake, too.
b. Agree to do it, then blackmail a co-worker into doing it while pretending to be you.
c. Agree to do it, then show up as yourself and tell the children that Kooky is dead.

Your boss’ gorgeous daughter comes on to you. How do you react?

a. Tell her that you feel it would be unethical for you to date the boss’ daughter, but that you would be honored to pay for her to go to the movie by herself.
b. Slip her a mickey, then marry her before she sobers up.
c. Tell her you would love to go out with her, because you like cheap women, but you prefer them to be at least slightly attractive.

The boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean; you…

a. Clean the office while he supervises.
b. Tell him that you delegated the job, then fire the underling you supposedly gave the job to.
c. Clean the office again, but this time, you use your boss’ face.

SCORING

Mostly A’s:
You have nothing to worry about. They’ll never fire you because you’re a doormat.

Mostly B’s:
You’re not just going to keep your job, with your complete disregard for other peoples feelings, you’ll positively shoot up the ladder of success. Congratulations! You’re a real jerk.

Mostly C’s:
You are a career kamikaze. The boss would have fired you long ago, but he’s terrified of what you might do.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four-hour, surgical procedure.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely……

A r e – m y – t e s t s – r e s u l t s – b a c k?”

Three elderly men are at the doctor’s office for a memory
test. The doctor asks the first man, “What is three times
three?”

“274,” came the reply.

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and
says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times
three?”

“Tuesday,” replies the second man.

The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, “Okay, your turn.
What’s three times three?”

“Nine,” says the third man.

“That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?”

“Simple,” he says, “just subtract 274 from Tuesday.”

1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.

2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, “buckle up!”

3. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of saran wrap down so he doesn’t dirty the seat.

4. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say “oops”.

5. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, “now which one is the gas again?”

6. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.

7. Fill your car with beer bottles.

8. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.

9. Tell the Registrar that you are taking the remedial test.

10. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.

11. Swear at everybody on the road.

12. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.

13. Beep your horn at everything.

14. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals.
King Kong, an Ape, an Orangutan and a Monkey pass by.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
Think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds

Got your answer?
Now scroll down to see the analysis. (continue reading…)