World Free Stuff

They take the words out of my mouth ^^

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

“May I ask what the turkey did?”

*Happy Thanksgiving*

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

“How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather trustingly.

“Well,” she says, responding very carefully, “I’d have to say I would like it infrequently.

“The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking over his glasses, he looked her in the eye casually asking, “Was that one word or two words?”

Famous Last Words

1. Watch this…
2. Wanna see me beat this train?
3. This doesn’t taste right.
4. Excuse me, i’m a tourist and i’m lost.
5. I bet i can fit in there.
6. Nice doggie…
7. Cut the red one!
8. Dad? Why the apple on my head?
9. Here kitty kitty kitty…
10. Dont stress. Rat poison only kills rats.
11. Ooooops…
12. Never mind.